Anatomy of a Disaster: A Parallel Timeline between the 2011 Boston Red Sox and the Demise of the Andrea Gail as Depicted in the Film “The Perfect Storm”

By Chris Marakovitz

It was on September 20, 1991 that the Andrea Gail shipped out off the coast of Massachusetts with the highest of hopes. Like the 2011 Boston Red Sox, the crew of the Gail expected to sail deep into the month of the October.

It was not to be. Not for the Andrea Gail. Not for the 2011 Red Sox.

What follows is a point-by-point breakdown of the demise of the one (2011 Red Sox) in terms of the other (Andrea Gail)- based on depictions offered in the film The Perfect Storm.

1. Meet the Skippers: Billy Tyne and Tito Francona

Admittedly there are some stark differences between the men who presided over the respective disasters. Billy Tyne had a chip on his shoulder. He had something to prove- maybe too much to prove. Tito acted like a man with far too little to prove.

Billy Tyne was quick to verbally bitchslap any member of his crew who showed the slightest indication of going soft. Tito enabled the considerable softness in his own ranks by coddling and defending a crew of overpaid, underachieving clowns.

Billy Tyne was restless. Tito Francona was complacent. What they had in common was a willingness to believe- even in the face of contrary evidence- that they were on the right course, that everything would work out in the end.

Key Quotes:

Tyne: “I always find the fish. Always! And I will this time. So don’t fuck with me!”

Red Sox Equivalent: Francona’s generally entitled and condescending attitude, as if to say: “Calm down, you nitwit fans and media, I’ve won two rings. So don’t fuck with me!”

2. The Journey Begins: Things Don’t Go as Planned

Like the 2011 Red Sox, the guys on the Andrea Gail thought success was inevitable. Perhaps they thought it would come easily. But it doesn’t work that way. You have to want it. You have to earn it. And right from the get go, neither the Andrea Gail (no fish) nor the 2011 Red Sox (2-10 start) were delivering the goods.

Key Quotes:

Bobby Shatford: “Hey. You promised me a shitload of fish!”

Red Sox Nation: “Has Carl Crawford ever actually played baseball before?”

3. The Hot Streak

Sometimes, though, you just can’t hold a good team down. Everything changed for the Andrea Gail when Billy Tyne busted a move and hit the motherlode at the old Flemish Cap. For the 2011 Red Sox it was a mid-May swing through Yankee Stadium that jumpstarted a  7-0/13-2 run that would get Tito and company right back in the race.

Key Quotes:

Andrea Gail crew: “We’re gonna party at the Crow’s Nest and we’re all gonna get laid- even Bugsy with the fat redhead!”

Red Sox Nation: “Wow. Adrian Gonzalez really does look good in a Red Sox uniform, doesn’t he?”

4. The Ominous Sign

Andrea Gail: The refrigerator dies.

Fucking Bob Brown! The guy who owned the Andrea Gail was a cheap, blood-sucking bastard who refused to get a new refrigerator for the boat when the old one was obviously breaking down. And when it finally died once and for all- the Gail crew faced a tough decision. Sail back home through a brutal storm while the catch is still fresh or wait out the storm and let the fish go bad.

2011 Red Sox: The rapidly spoiling John Lackey openly castigates his fielders from the mound.

Fucking Theo Epstein! The guys who own the Red Sox have so much money they don’t know what to do with it! Just because John Lackey happens to be the next best thing on a weak free agent market the year after after the Yankees land Texeira doesn’t mean you have to go out and throw 5 years, 82.5 million at the guy. Now the 2011 Red Sox face their own difficult choice: try to bring this ship into the port with the likes of John Lackey, Tim Wakefield, Andrew Miller and Eric Bedard rounding out the rotation or, I don’t know, something else maybe? Like how about making Aceves a starter?

5. The Perfect Storm Gathers

Andrea Gail: TV Meteorologist Todd Gross is awestruck by what he sees developing…

Gross: “Look, look at this. We got Hurricane Grace moving north off the Atlantic seaboard. Huge… getting massive. Two, this low south of Sable Island, ready to explode. Look at this. Three, a fresh cold front swooping down from Canada. But it’s caught a ride on the jet stream… and is motoring hell-bent towards the Atlantic. What if Hurricane Grace runs smack into it? Add to the scenario this baby off Sable Island, scrounging for energy. She’ll start feeding off both the Canadian cold front… and Hurricane Grace. You could be a meteorologist all your life… and never see something like this. It would be a disaster of epic proportions. It would be… the perfect storm.”

Red Sox Nation: “Look, look at this. We got complacency creeping up the Atlantic seaboard. Huge…getting masive. Two, injuries are killing us. Youkilis. Buchholz. Beckett and Lester missing some time as well. It’s uncanny. Three, incredible cold streaks gathering momentum. Crawford. Lackey. Even Adrian Gonzalez cooling considerably down the stretch. And what’s worse, there’s the Boston media, just magnifying the slide beyond anything imaginable. And here come the Rays, moving up rapidly in the standings from the south Atlantic. What if they run smack into us? Add to the scenario the increasing sense of panic closing in among Red Sox players over time as they realize the magnitude of what they’re caught up in. A choke job just waiting to happen…feeding off the cold streaks. Who’s pitching today? Wakefield? God help us. You could be a baseball fan all your life and never see something like this. It would be a disaster of epic proportions. It would be…the greatest collapse in baseball history.”

6. Desperate Pleas from the Outside

Remarkably, even with ominous signs piling up, both the Andrea Gail and the 2011 Red Sox sail on, oblivious to their impending doom.

Key Quotes:

Linda Greenlaw [warning Billy over the radio]: “Billy? Get outta there! Come about! Let it- let it carry you out of there! What the hell are you doing? Billy! For Christ sake! You’re steaming into a bomb! Turn around for Christ sake! Billy, can ya hear me? You’re headed right for the middle of the monster! Billy?…” [starts crying]

2011 Red Sox equivalent: A fan warning the Red Sox as Jimi Hendrix finishes playing over the Fenway PA system at the final home game: “Jimi Hendrix has more life than you guys!” [starts crying]

7. Battling the Storm

Andrea Gail: The crew fights valiantly, engaging in numerous acts of selfless heroism to save themselves in the face of insurmountable odds.

2011 Red Sox equivalent: None.

Okay, that’s not totally fair. I can think of maybe two examples worth mentioning:

1. Alfredo Aceves pitches 42 days in a row down the stretch in a desperate bid to bridge the gap between mediocre 5-inning starters and Bard/Pap. If Aceves’ arm goes out within the next year he should sue Tito.

2. Jacoby Ellsbury makes a valiant bid to put the team on his back in the final days and then literally runs into a wall…and drops the ball.

8. The Really Big Wave

Andrea Gail: Mark Wahlberg and George Clooney- along with movie audiences everywhere- look on in horror as a gargantuan 100 foot wave rises up before them.

2011 Red Sox: During a rain delay in Baltimore, Red Sox players- and Nation fans everywhere- look on in horror as the Tampa Bay Rays mount an impossible comeback from a 7-0 deficit in the eighth inning.

9. Facing the Abyss

Andrea Gail: As the water rises around him, Dale “Murph” Murphy speaks his last words: “This is going to be hard on my little boy.”

2011 Red Sox: As Carl Crawford flails around in left-field and the winning run rounds third, Red Sox dads everywhere cringe: “This is going to be hard on my little boy.”

COMING SOON: The Rock Box Sports 2011 Postseason Preview and Selections…