Anatomy of a Disaster: A Parallel Timeline between the 2011 Boston Red Sox and the Demise of the Andrea Gail as Depicted in the Film “The Perfect Storm”
By Chris Marakovitz
Note the Red Sox hat.
It was on September 20, 1991 that the Andrea Gail shipped out off the coast of Massachusetts with the highest of hopes. Like the 2011 Boston Red Sox, the crew of the Gail expected to sail deep into the month of the October.
It was not to be. Not for the Andrea Gail. Not for the 2011 Red Sox.
What follows is a point-by-point breakdown of the demise of the one (2011 Red Sox) in terms of the other (Andrea Gail)- based on depictions offered in the film The Perfect Storm.
Get Aceves up in the bullpen.
1. Meet the Skippers: Billy Tyne and Tito Francona
Admittedly there are some stark differences between the men who presided over the respective disasters. Billy Tyne had a chip on his shoulder. He had something to prove- maybe too much to prove. Tito acted like a man with far too little to prove.
Billy Tyne was quick to verbally bitchslap any member of his crew who showed the slightest indication of going soft. Tito enabled the considerable softness in his own ranks by coddling and defending a crew of overpaid, underachieving clowns.
Billy Tyne was restless. Tito Francona was complacent. What they had in common was a willingness to believe- even in the face of contrary evidence- that they were on the right course, that everything would work out in the end.
Key Quotes:
Tyne: “I always find the fish. Always! And I will this time. So don’t fuck with me!”
Red Sox Equivalent: Francona’s generally entitled and condescending attitude, as if to say: “Calm down, you nitwit fans and media, I’ve won two rings. So don’t fuck with me!”
2. The Journey Begins: Things Don’t Go as Planned
Like the 2011 Red Sox, the guys on the Andrea Gail thought success was inevitable. Perhaps they thought it would come easily. But it doesn’t work that way. You have to want it. You have to earn it. And right from the get go, neither the Andrea Gail (no fish) nor the 2011 Red Sox (2-10 start) were delivering the goods.
Key Quotes:
Bobby Shatford: “Hey. You promised me a shitload of fish!”
Red Sox Nation: “Has Carl Crawford ever actually played baseball before?”
3. The Hot Streak
Sometimes, though, you just can’t hold a good team down. Everything changed for the Andrea Gail when Billy Tyne busted a move and hit the motherlode at the old Flemish Cap. For the 2011 Red Sox it was a mid-May swing through Yankee Stadium that jumpstarted a 7-0/13-2 run that would get Tito and company right back in the race.
Key Quotes:
Andrea Gail crew: “We’re gonna party at the Crow’s Nest and we’re all gonna get laid- even Bugsy with the fat redhead!”
Red Sox Nation: “Wow. Adrian Gonzalez really does look good in a Red Sox uniform, doesn’t he?”
Ominous.
4. The Ominous Sign
Andrea Gail: The refrigerator dies.
Fucking Bob Brown! The guy who owned the Andrea Gail was a cheap, blood-sucking bastard who refused to get a new refrigerator for the boat when the old one was obviously breaking down. And when it finally died once and for all- the Gail crew faced a tough decision. Sail back home through a brutal storm while the catch is still fresh or wait out the storm and let the fish go bad.
2011 Red Sox: The rapidly spoiling John Lackey openly castigates his fielders from the mound.
Fucking Theo Epstein! The guys who own the Red Sox have so much money they don’t know what to do with it! Just because John Lackey happens to be the next best thing on a weak free agent market the year after after the Yankees land Texeira doesn’t mean you have to go out and throw 5 years, 82.5 million at the guy. Now the 2011 Red Sox face their own difficult choice: try to bring this ship into the port with the likes of John Lackey, Tim Wakefield, Andrew Miller and Eric Bedard rounding out the rotation or, I don’t know, something else maybe? Like how about making Aceves a starter?
5. The Perfect Storm Gathers
Andrea Gail: TV Meteorologist Todd Gross is awestruck by what he sees developing…
Gross: “Look, look at this. We got Hurricane Grace moving north off the Atlantic seaboard. Huge… getting massive. Two, this low south of Sable Island, ready to explode. Look at this. Three, a fresh cold front swooping down from Canada. But it’s caught a ride on the jet stream… and is motoring hell-bent towards the Atlantic. What if Hurricane Grace runs smack into it? Add to the scenario this baby off Sable Island, scrounging for energy. She’ll start feeding off both the Canadian cold front… and Hurricane Grace. You could be a meteorologist all your life… and never see something like this. It would be a disaster of epic proportions. It would be… the perfect storm.”
Red Sox Nation: “Look, look at this. We got complacency creeping up the Atlantic seaboard. Huge…getting masive. Two, injuries are killing us. Youkilis. Buchholz. Beckett and Lester missing some time as well. It’s uncanny. Three, incredible cold streaks gathering momentum. Crawford. Lackey. Even Adrian Gonzalez cooling considerably down the stretch. And what’s worse, there’s the Boston media, just magnifying the slide beyond anything imaginable. And here come the Rays, moving up rapidly in the standings from the south Atlantic. What if they run smack into us? Add to the scenario the increasing sense of panic closing in among Red Sox players over time as they realize the magnitude of what they’re caught up in. A choke job just waiting to happen…feeding off the cold streaks. Who’s pitching today? Wakefield? God help us. You could be a baseball fan all your life and never see something like this. It would be a disaster of epic proportions. It would be…the greatest collapse in baseball history.”
Mayday!
6. Desperate Pleas from the Outside
Remarkably, even with ominous signs piling up, both the Andrea Gail and the 2011 Red Sox sail on, oblivious to their impending doom.
Key Quotes:
Linda Greenlaw [warning Billy over the radio]: “Billy? Get outta there! Come about! Let it- let it carry you out of there! What the hell are you doing? Billy! For Christ sake! You’re steaming into a bomb! Turn around for Christ sake! Billy, can ya hear me? You’re headed right for the middle of the monster! Billy?…” [starts crying]
2011 Red Sox equivalent: A fan warning the Red Sox as Jimi Hendrix finishes playing over the Fenway PA system at the final home game: “Jimi Hendrix has more life than you guys!” [starts crying]
Clooney!
7. Battling the Storm
Andrea Gail: The crew fights valiantly, engaging in numerous acts of selfless heroism to save themselves in the face of insurmountable odds.
2011 Red Sox equivalent: None.
Okay, that’s not totally fair. I can think of maybe two examples worth mentioning:
1. Alfredo Aceves pitches 42 days in a row down the stretch in a desperate bid to bridge the gap between mediocre 5-inning starters and Bard/Pap. If Aceves’ arm goes out within the next year he should sue Tito.
2. Jacoby Ellsbury makes a valiant bid to put the team on his back in the final days and then literally runs into a wall…and drops the ball.
Good God! It's the Tampa Bay Devil Rays!
8. The Really Big Wave
Andrea Gail: Mark Wahlberg and George Clooney- along with movie audiences everywhere- look on in horror as a gargantuan 100 foot wave rises up before them.
2011 Red Sox: During a rain delay in Baltimore, Red Sox players- and Nation fans everywhere- look on in horror as the Tampa Bay Rays mount an impossible comeback from a 7-0 deficit in the eighth inning.
9. Facing the Abyss
Andrea Gail: As the water rises around him, Dale “Murph” Murphy speaks his last words: “This is going to be hard on my little boy.”
2011 Red Sox: As Carl Crawford flails around in left-field and the winning run rounds third, Red Sox dads everywhere cringe: “This is going to be hard on my little boy.”
COMING SOON: The Rock Box Sports 2011 Postseason Preview and Selections…
ROCK BOX EERILY PRESCIENT…CALLS BIG MANNING PICK AS KEY TO GAME: SUPER BOWL WRAP UP
Well…we predicted that the key to the Super Bowl would be the ability of the Saints defense to force Manning into a game-changing turnover…and we were right…Check out the following passage reprinted from our “Early Super Bowl Preview” below…
The Saints’ opportunistic secondary may have a chance to make a big play. For all the hype about how great he is, Manning did throw 16 interceptions this season, sixth highest in the league. From a numbers standpoint, Drew Brees was actually the better quarterback, with 34 TD passes to Manning’s 33, 11 INT’s to Manning’s 16, and a 106.2 QB rating to Manning’s 99.9. The ability of the Saints to produce a timely turnover or two will likely be the key to the game. The Saints don’t have a shutdown defense by any means, but they are opportunistic, second in the league in takeaways (39), interceptions (26) and third in turnover ratio (+11). The importance of the takeway to the New Orleans game was evident in the NFC Championship Game against the Vikings. The Saints wouldn’t be here had they not been able to produce turnovers at pivotao moments. A lot of people have called this “lucky,” but luck has little to do with it. The Saints force turnovers by design. One problem against the Colts is that Indy fumbled the ball only five times all year, least in the league. The Saints have a much better chance of benefitting from a Manning interception than an Addai fumble…
We speculated that Darren Sharper would be the one to make the big play…as it turns out it was Tracy Porter. Either way, Rock Box Sports cashed in nicely on Super Sunday- we had the Saints +5 as well as a little something on the money line as well. While we did lose our over/under play, we hit almost all of our props to finish well in the money.
3 Stars: Saints +5 WINNER
3 Stars: Peyton Manning, YES HE WILL THROW AN INTERCEPTION…-145. WINNER.
2 STARS: Joseph Addai OVER in carries and yards. SPLIT.
1 STAR: ReggIe Bush UNDER in yardage. WIN.
1 Star: OVER 56. LOSER.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY YOU NEED TO GO TO THE SUPER BOWL
10. The MatchupFor the first time since 1994 the two top seeds have advanced to the Super Bowl. Cinderella stories are all well and good, but there’s something to be said for the Colts and Saints, the league’s two best teams from day one, going at it in the grand finale. This is Celtics-Lakers, Red Sox-Yankees, Ali-Frazier. It’s one for the ages. A future ESPN Classic classic. If ever there was a time to make the Super Bowl trek, this is it.
9. Manning vs. Brees
2009 was the year of the quarterback, with ten of twelve playoff QB’s being current or past pro bowlers. As such, it’s only fitting that the two best signal callers, at least this season, will square off in Miami. Peyton Manning and Drew Brees may wind up together in Canton, Ohio one day, but on February 7 they’ll be on opposite sides of one of the most anticipated Super Bowl matchups in recent history. Brees and Manning were 1-2 in the league in touchdown passes (Brees 34, Manning 33) and completion percentage (Brees set a single season record with 70.6%, Manning no slouch at 68.8%). And, while Brees had the higher passer rating, anyone who saw Manning carve up a tough Jets defense knows that this is a great player at the top of his game. With Vegas already posting the highest over/under total in Super Bowl history, indications are this could turn into a classic shootout with the best QB’s in the game going toe-to-toe.
8. Miami: Tropical Climate
It’s a simple equation, really. Let A = temperature in Miami on February 7 (average high 77). Let B = temperature where you live on February 7. Now subtract: A – B = Why you should be in Miami on February 7.
7. The Coaches
The personality of the coach often sets the tone for the team. Indy’s Jim Caldwell is as stoic as they come, but the Colts have adopted his air of tight discipline and mental toughness. Saints’ skipper Sean Payton is an offensive genius, prowling the sidelines and barking out instructions while referencing his color-coded list of plays and formations as if it just may hold the key to the universe. So far for the Saints it pretty much has. It will be interesting to see whether Caldwell’s speedy defense can slow down Payton’s complex and dynamic attack. Conversely, one wonders whether the opportunistic Saints defense will be able to induce some mistakes from a regimented Colts offense predicated on timing and precision.
6. The Parties
You like to party? You can’t do much better than Super Bowl week in Miami. All due respect to your cousin Bob or the guys next door or whoever’s throwing the Super Bowl party in your neighborhood, but on-location Super Bowl parties are strictly of the world class variety. There’s the Maxim party, ESPN, the NFL Alumni party, and Leather and Laces, home of something called National Hottie Search 2010 that purports to identify the hottest woman in America. Sign me up. For the party, I mean. Not the contest.
5. The Fans
Considering that this is the first ever Super Bowl appearance for the Saints, and that Miami is drivable distance from New Orleans, we can surmise that South Beach will saturated with black and gold come game weekend. And that’s a good thing. Is there really another NFL fan base that you’d rather embark on a 72-hour party binge with? And lets not sell the Colts fans short either. This’ll be a classic American bar mix: the Bayou meets South Beach with a twist of Midwest conservatism, a Hurricane Mojito with a beer chaser. Feel free to knock back a few and make some new friends. You may never see them again but, hey, you’ll always have Miami. Seize the day.
4. Star Power
Rumor has it Reggie Bush has promised Kim Kardashian he’ll propose if the Saints win. The Leather and Laces party, hosted by Kim, may be your last chance to see her out as a single woman. Okay, no big deal. But if star sightings are your thing, Super Bowl week is a veritable nirvana. They’ll be there from all walks of celebrity life: jocks, rappers, movie stars, rock stars, reality TV, the cooking channel. Whether it’s Taylor Lautner that sends a tingle up your leg or Paris Hilton, your chances for a close encounter won’t get any better than next week in Miami.
3. Halftime Show: The Who
Where else can you get a concert from one of the great bands in history wrapped inside the biggest football game in the world? It’s all included in the price of Super Bowl admission. If the Colts and Saints haven’t got you sufficiently pumped, perhaps a little Baba O’Reilly or Won’t Get Fooled Again might do the trick. With millions watching, expect Townshend and Daltrey to rekindle the old magic and put on a great show.
2. Miami: Sexy Town
Did we mention that the Super Bowl is in Miami this year? Latin influence. Art Deco. Fashion moguls and super models. It’s a sexy town, Miami. And you’re a sexy person. Okay, maybe not. But you like hanging out with sexy people. Here’s your chance.
1. Two Words: Bucket List
Sky diving? Running with the bulls? Overrated in my book. The idea is to do fun things before you kick the bucket, not create new opportunities for kicking the bucket. The Super Bowl is much safer. Salsa lessons? Too much potential for public humiliation. Once again, the Super Bowl is safer. If you’ve never done it, this is your time. If you’ve done it before, we don’t have to sell you on it. This year’s edition has it all: great teams, a pair of hall of fame quarterbacks, tropical weather, the parties, the fans…there’s only one thing missing: YOU.
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